More Than Life Itself
by mulaNa
Summary: Moments before Jamie lets out her final breath....


Summary: Moments before Jamie lets out her final breath.  
  
Notes: Hey ya'al! I was completely blown away by the respond I got for AfterMath. Unfortunately, it was a one chapter story so...I wrote this instead. Again, as I write this I'm imagining Jamie and Landon as Mandy Moore and Shane West. Thanks to all who reviewed AfterMath  
  
Author's Note: I realized in the movie and the book both didn't tell us what happened when Jamie was about to pass away so I guess this is a filler. When I heard More Than Life Itself, I actually went "Oh my GAWD!!" because the song is so perfect for Jamie and Landon.  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything. A Walk to Remember belongs to Nicholas Sparks. More Than Life Itself belongs to Kelly Osbourne and record company.  
  
****  
  
'You never said you were perfect,  
  
But you always are to me,  
  
Loving you is always worth it,  
  
Cause' you see so much in me.'  
  
Landon Carter knew this moment was eventually going to happen. But it was sooner than he had expected or hoped. Landon closed his eyes, trying to conceal his tears even though many had fallen before. His wife, Jamie, was on the bed, the size XS (Extra small) night gown she had on was hanging loose all over her frail body. Jamie was coughing up blood and gasping for breath, clutching her chest. And all Landon could do was to stroke her hair and whisper that everything was going to be fine. Landon glanced up and he knew that his parents and Jamie's dad, all knew that the moment was happening too.  
  
"I'm fine." Jamie assured them once the coughing had decreased. But everyone- including Jamie knew it was a lie. Though she had lost so much weight, hair had fallen, Jamie still remained cheerful. Some might say it was all a facade to protect her loved ones but the ones who knew her, knew it was genuine. Jamie looked at everything- including death in a positive way.  
  
"Landon, at least I'll be with my mom." Jamie had said a few nights before on the ride home from the hospital.  
'And when I'm done, you're there to lift me,  
  
You come around just when I need a friend.'  
Landon knew, deep in Jamie's heart, Jamie too knew her time was ending sooner than the doctors had predicted for the requested to go home. When they had just gotten married, Landon had suggested that Jamie stay in the hospital where she will be under the intensive care of specialists 24 hours rather than go to the hospital every week for check ups. Landon was afraid Jamie was going to be worn out from all the traveling. Jamie, however had said, "I want to die at home." Her bluntness, frankly scared Landon.  
  
'No one loves me like you do,  
  
Unconditional and true.'  
Last week, Jamie's condition had gone from bad to worse so Landon admitted her to the hospital. Yet, three days ago, Jamie had requested to go home even though her condition was going worse. Now, even though her condition was bad, she had refused to eat her medicines as if she knew it wasn't going to help her now.  
  
'You're the shoulder that I've always known,  
  
And a hand that says I'm not alone.'  
  
Landon took a deep breath and wiped a tear from his eye when Jamie started coughing again.  
  
"Be brave, Landon. For Jamie." He told himself.  
  
"Shush, I'm here baby. It's all going to be all right." Trying to sound brave but failing miserably, Landon leaned in and kissed Jamie on top of her head. "You'll be fine." Jamie rested her head on Landon's chest and Landon had to look away so Jamie couldn't feel his tear drop.  
  
'More than myself,  
  
I love you more than life itself.'  
  
Landon felt a hand on his shoulder and looked up to see his dad. "Come on, son." he gestured at the door. Landon was about to protest but Patrick, Landon's father nodded towards Jamie's father who obviously wanted to spend some time alone with his only child.  
  
"Jamie, sweetie." Landon said gently resting Jamie's head on the pillow. "I'm just going to be out for a minute all right."  
  
Jamie nodded, too weak to answer.  
  
Landon kissed Jamie and was very reluctant to leave the room but finally did. He followed his dad to the kitchen where his mother was making tea.  
  
"Here, honey." His mother handed him a cup of tea. "Herbal tea. It soothes you."  
  
Nodding, Landon accepted it. His parents shared a look that Landon couldn't read.  
  
"You're very strong, Landon." His dad finally said lamely. Landon managed a half chuckle.  
  
"I'm going for a walk." He said picking up his cup.  
  
"Do you need company?" His mom asked hopefully. Landon considered her offer.  
  
"Nah." He finally said. "I wanna be alone." And with that, he walked to the balcony, over viewing the lake Jamie loved so much.  
  
And he will be alone, Landon realized. Soon, Jamie was going to leave him, and follow her mother's footsteps, leaving him all alone.  
  
Landon sucked his breath sharply when realization hit him. Of course, the minute Jamie told him she had leukemia, Landon knew he eventually will spend the rest of his lifetime alone. But he hadn't realized how lonely it will be.  
  
Closing his eyes, Landon took in the salty air, Landon thought of all times. How much of an impact Jamie had on his life.  
'Did you know that I get lonely,  
  
At the thought of you not being here .  
  
Landon realized, with great shame, if it wasn't for Jamie, he would have been a high school drop out. That was what he intended to do for his senior prank.  
  
"When we leave this year, we wanna go with a bang." Dean had said at the beginning of their senior year as he tossed a lighter to Eric. "Maybe, we can change the ballots for the Homecoming Queen and King votes." Belinda suggested only to be met by loud groans. "Not only is that very 'Carrie' it's almost as cliché as stealing the school mascot." Traci said rolling her eyes. Landon, who was quiet all through the night finally said. "2 days before graduation, let's drop out of high school"  
  
Landon closed his eyes with shame at the memory. Oh at that time his life was just peachy. Everything sounded great. The rest had eagerly agreed. Subconsciously, Landon had been their ring leader. No one ever appointed anyone to be the leader but Landon was just the "unspoken leader."  
  
'Can you see that you're the only  
  
One who never disappears.'  
  
Then there was Clay Gephardt . He was the new kid who desperately wanted to fit in. He wasn't nerdy enough to be classified as a geek, nor athletic enough to be a jock. He was, in simple English an outcast. So Landon and his friends decided to make Clay, their target for their pre-end of school year prank. They hung out with him in school and made him feel "accepted". Then, Dean told him that to be "officially" one of the guys he had to do an initiation. And that leads Landon to Jamie. If the nights prank hadn't gotten out of hand, Landon wouldn't have been severely punished, Landon wouldn't have joined the school play, Landon wouldn't have met Jamie. So all in all, Landon had Clay and Dean to thank for. Ironically, he also had to thank Principal Kelly for making him participate in the school play. Due to Jamie's sickness, Jamie wasn't able to finish high school. But it was Jamie's dream for Landon to do so. So Landon, forgetting all about the "senior prank" graduated. Dean, Eric, Traci and Belinda followed suit. Landon smiled. If it wasn't for Jamie, there would have been 5 high school drop outs before graduation. Jamie didn't just save his life, but also the lives of Landon's old friends in a way.  
  
'And when I fear you are the comfort,  
  
The one who steers me to the light.  
  
I love you, I love you, I love you,  
  
I don't care if it sounds trite,  
  
I'll say it over and over.'  
  
Footsteps brought Landon back to reality. He turned to see his mother, breathless.  
  
"Jamie." Was all she said. Without hesitating, Landon ran to the master bedroom, his tea forgotten.  
  
The sight in the room made him sick to his stomach.  
  
'It makes me feel alive  
  
You gay me all my fire  
  
By watching you live by what you believed  
  
So many tings you taught me  
  
And even when you caught me  
  
I always knew that you, you could still see  
  
The best in me .'  
  
Jamie was arching on the bed, pain was written all over her face. She was coughing up blood and sweat was dripping over her face. Everyone in the room had tears in their eyes. Even Jamie, who Landon never saw in tears except for that one time when she told him had leukemia, was in tears. Tears of pain, most probably, Landon thought bitterly. He cast a glance of hatred upstairs. Even though being with Jamie had made Landon change his perceptive of so many things but one thing Jamie couldn't change. His faith in God.  
  
"Why?" He had always cried to himself to sleep at night. "Why does it have to happen to Jamie? Give me her pain, God."  
  
Knowing there was no time to dwell on that, Landon rushed to Jamie's side kissing her forehead.  
  
"Everything's all right." Landon lied.  
  
It was happening.  
  
"L-l-landon?" Jamie whispered with much difficulty. "Yes, honey?" Landon asked, now unable to contain his tears. "When I die-" "Don't say that!" Ignoring the urgency in Landon's tone, Jamie continued. "When I die Landon." Jamie paused and coughed up more blood. "You know what's the first thing I'm going to ask God?" Still trying to be brave, Landon asked. "What?" Jamie continued coughing. "If I can be your angel." She whispered. Seeing Landon in tears made Jamie cry too. Knowing full well this was the last time she would ever see and touch and kiss and hold Landon as a human. Landon now completely broke down with the rest in the room.  
  
'No one loves me like you do  
  
Unconditional and true .'  
  
"I love you." Jamie whispered.  
  
"I love you too."  
  
"You'll be fine Landon. I just know it." "I love you."  
  
With one last time, Jamie closed her eyes and let out her last breath.  
  
'I love you more than life itself.'  
  
A/N: How? How? How? Hope you guys liked it. I'm reading Jamie Sommer's fiction, "Dinner and a Movie" and I highly recommend it. BTW, I'm gonna shamelessly promote my other AWTR story: AfterMath. Please go read it. Review please. Constructive criticism will be brought to heart, Compliments make me go all warm and snuggly and flames will just..be flamed. No time to check for spelling, grammar and tenses error. I'm supposed to be doing school work. Hehe.. 


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